Why do I homeschool?

I get asked this question a lot. And then it's usually followed by an emphatic, "I could never do that." If you would've talked to me about homeschooling a few years ago, that would've been my response too.

But then Heavenly Father changed my mind.

Here's my story. When it was just about time for AJ to go to Kindergarten, I started to get a pit in my stomach. Then the time came for her first day. I walked her to the bus stop with the camera like a good mother and showed her my (fake) excitement in her first day of school. I didn't cry until the bus was out of sight. I'm not sure if I stopped crying until I saw the bus return later that day. I made Brent follow the bus to school that whole first week. I kept being assured by other mothers that the pit in my stomach would go away. I kept waiting for that to happen. It didn't.

At this same time, I kept feeling promptings from the Holy Ghost that I needed to be doing something different in regards to our family. I couldn't figure out what it was. We'd gotten pregnant with Lady, so it wasn't that we needed to add to the family......that was being taken care of. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what change needed to occur. I prayed about it for what seemed like forever. Then one day I was reading something on the internet and somebody mentioned homeschooling. Have you ever gotten an answer to a prayer that was like somebody punching you in the chest? I think I actually had a physical reaction when I read that word.

My first thought was, "You've got to be kidding me. I'm not a 'homeschooling' kind of mom." But I couldn't deny the answer I'd received. So I began to pray about it and I started to research it like crazy. The more I prayed about it and researched it, the more my confidence grew in the fact that *I could do this*. It also helped that Heavenly Father thought I could do it. :) The pit in my stomach slowly started to go away.

Then came the day thatI decided to talk to Brent about it. I was very nervous. His initial reaction was much like mine....

"WHAT?!?!"

But after talking to him about the research I'd done and the confirmation I'd felt through prayer, he agreed that we could try it for a while. The next question was when to start. How do you go about pulling your kid out of school? Should I pull Roo out too? (He was in preschool at the time and we'd just had some incidents which I wasn't happy about....ie: the teacher telling him he'd cut something out wrong and colored something wrong. What the heck? How does a 3 year old do either of those things *wrong*?)

The answer came shortly before Christmas break. At parent-teacher conference. First of all, let me say that AJ loved school. She's quite the social butterfly (remember what AJ stands for?). I went into PTC expecting to hear what all my teachers told my parents....."Ann is a great student, but we can't get her to stop talking. It doesn't matter who she sits by, we've moved her all over the classroom. She just can't stop talking to her neighbors."

What I got was quite different. Her teacher was a very nice lady. She sat down with me and showed me all the curriculum and art projects AJ had been working on. She showed me where AJ was in each subject. She talked about AJ's penmanship and other such silliness. I was starting to get frustrated. "I KNOW all that stuff. You send home most of her schoolwork anyway. I see this. Tell me what she's like in school. Tell me about my daughter....who her friends are....how she behaves in class....what her favorite recess activity is." I knew a lot of those answers already anyway, from talking to AJ herself about it, but I wanted to know what the teacher knew about my daughter. After all, it's not like she's a wallflower. The teacher couldn't tell me ANYTHING about her besides what was on paper. I left extremely disappointed. Why was I sending my daughter to this person who didn't even KNOW her to be taught by her?

After much thought, I realized why I was angry, sad, and disappointed. It was because I was jealous. This other woman got to be the one with my daughter when she learned new things. She got to see all of the "A-ha!" moments. She got to see her reaction to new things and new experiences. And yet she was missing it all. She didn't notice those moments. She didn't notice AJ's reactions and feelings. And who can blame her? Like I said, she was an extremely nice lady, but she had a classroom full of 25 5 year olds. How can you even begin to get to know them all (except the "naughty" ones (who I don't believe are really, truly naughty, just not able to sit at a desk for 4 hours)), let alone *notice* any of the extra things that happen, like "A-ha!" moments?

Then it hit me.....*I* know my daughter. *I* know her learning style. *I* know how to teach her. So why shouldn't I?

It was then that I decided that AJ wouldn't be going back to school after the Christmas break. Brent and I had some really good talks with her before we did all of this and she agreed that she'd like to try homeschooling. So I pulled her and Roo out of school at Christmas break and they haven't been back since.

There were a number of other reasons that were shown to me through all of my research and prayers too. I started to do some math and the thought of AJ going to 1st grade made that pit in my stomach return immediately. The thought of her being somewhere else everyday for LONGER than she was at home (not counting sleeping) did not give me any warm fuzzies. I *knew* that I couldn't send her away from home for 8 hours everyday. It would break my heart. I had been praying a lot about how to teach my kids the gospel and how to teach them the importance of family relationships and about the morals and values I wanted to instill in them. With the state of the world being what it is today, I felt like I wouldn't be able to accomplish all that I waned to accomplish in the few minutes we might have together after school (somewhere between homework, chores, playing with friends, eating dinner, any extra curricular activities, and bedtime). Also I read in the scriptures and in a number of conference talks and Ensign articles where it was reiterated that parents are responsible for teaching their children. In my praying, I found out that, for me, this meant in all aspects.

There have been a number of rough patches along the way. Brent and I have strong personalities and we haven't made any children who are lacking in that area. And I've learned that Roo has a totally different learning style than AJ, which has brought about challenges for myself because I've had to *learn* how to teach him. I LOVE the fact that I'm still learning. I love that I learn something new about my kids everyday. I love that I've been able to figure out different ways to teach Roo. (I still need to find some more). And I love that I haven't sent him to a place where they expect him to learn ONE way and if he doesn't learn that way, well then he's just out of luck. I am sure there are aspects of public school that he would LOVE, but I can't help but wonder what would happen to his already-fragile self esteem (he takes failure very personally and can have a hard time recovering) if he were in a system where he was failing just because of the way something was being taught to him....not because he couldn't learn it.

Tink has really taken off in the last year as well and is doing a lot of independent learning. She is a strong-willed little spirit and is like her mama and loves checking off her list everyday. She and AJ usually do their independent study up in their room together. AJ helps her if she needs it. I love that relationship.

And Lady is in Kindergarten (technically) this year. She's learning how to read and add and is really gaining speed lately. She loves our "preschool" time when I read and play with her and June. June just wants to be a part of everything. When we have scripture time, she gets out her Book of Mormon (a hand-me-down from AJ) and sits and "reads" along with us. It's awesome.

Every year since we started, we've done things a little (or a lot) different from the year before. And I keep learning about new ways and new techniques and styles of learning and homeschooling. I am so drawn to unschooling, but I don't know if I have the fortitude to follow through with it. It is a LOT of work for the mom, but it is so appealing. I think it's the ideal way to keep a child interested in learning and really teach them HOW to learn. That's really my goal....to keep my kids' love of learning alive and to teach them HOW to learn. (I'm still learning this myself as well....I have to un-learn a lot of things from school.) A book I've read recently has really shifted my paradigm. It's "The Element" by Sir Ken Robinson.  It's a really intriguing read.

I'm not trying to preach here, really. I know homeschooling isn't for everybody. But it's started to really take off in the last few years since we started. There are a lot of co-ops and some really great online groups that you can join and get advice and feedback. It really is a different world, even from when we started. The biggest thing for me is just getting to be with my kids everyday. I wouldn't trade our experiences for anything. Everyday is certainly not sunshine and roses, but we're learning and growing together and I love it.

Buddy, Body Image, and Life

I feel like I should give you another update.

Buddy is now 16 months old. He is doing so much better than a few months ago, it is amazing. He is HAPPY. And he is happy MORE than he is sad. I wasn't sure if we'd ever get to this place. He is so darling when he's happy! He has the cutest smile and a very infectious laugh. He has the other 7 people in this house wrapped around his little finger. People who come to the house always make a comment about how loved this child is.

His tummy issues seem to be mostly gone. He doesn't cry in pain anymore these days. And he's even tolerating a bit of dairy, though we try not to give him much because dairy's just not great anyway.

Everyone always asks how his sleeping is going. He is still not sleeping all the way through the night. But he sleeps usually 6 or 7 hours at a time, so that means he usually doesn't wake up until 3 or 4am. For about a week and a half he was only waking once a night. It was heavenly. I felt energized each day and so grateful for the sleep. After that long, I was really hoping we were on a great, new schedule. I was wrong, lol. He's back to waking 2-3 times a night. But if I'd just go to bed earlier, like at 10 (ha! I wish!), I'd get 5 or more hours straight, which would be awesome. Right now I'm just happy that when he does wake up, he will usually nurse right back to sleep and actually sleep when I put him back in bed (at least for another hour or so). Before, he was waking up and staying awake crying. That was hard. This is so much better.

(Dancing.)

We think he possibly has a bit of hypoglycemia. He NEEDS to eat often. He quickly goes into a downward spiral if he's hungry. So we try to stay on top of that.

Going through pictures, I realized we take a LOT of pics of Buddy in his highchair. He really is quite funny at meal times. He's happy when he eats. 

It's genetic. ;) 

(What can I say? He has sisters.)

(CHEESE!!!)

Buddy has really become an integral part of our family. He fits right in and has taught us all how to be more kind and patient and compassionate. I can't imagine life without this little boy. And can I tell you how fun it is to have a boy again after so long? There were so many things I'd forgotten about. I am loving it! And Roo is the BEST big brother ever. He is protective and sweet and always willing to play cars, dinosaurs, or Legos with Buddy. They are so cute together.

Buddy is, by far, our cuddliest baby. He willingly dishes out loves and kisses all the time. He also is more comfortable being held by men than women, which is a first for our babies. He loves going to his grandpas and a few of his uncles. I love it, since most of my babies have gravitated to women and sometimes our brothers miss out on cuddles. 

He's my first child that doesn't run away the minute I put him down. I've always watched other mothers/children in amazement when the kids stay right there by their mothers. My children have always jumped at the opportunity to explore (usually at a running pace) the moment their feet hit the floor. Buddy is content to stay within a radius of a few feet of me. Let me tell you how nice that is!

Buddy thinks that AJ is his second mother. He even chooses her over me sometimes. (He knows that he's more likely to get what he wants with her....she's a sucker for his sad face, lol.) I love watching their relationship. AJ always jumps at the chance to get him up from his nap. She loves that cuddle time with him. He adores her and usually does just fine in a new situation if she's there with him. 

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This last year+ of life has been fairly hard. (Not when compared to some people's trials, but I try not to compare.) My body is proof of the stress we've been under. I could look in the mirror and be frustrated at the weight and gray hairs I've gained. But I'm trying to be kinder to myself. My body is an amazing gift from God. It has given me 6 beautiful children. And when I'm stressed out, it has done what it's supposed to do. It has gone into survival-mode, which means holding onto extra calories and weight. And boy, have I given it plenty to hold onto, lol. But in a way, I think it's kind of cool that, if we lived during caveman times, I would probably have survived a famine, lol. That's a comforting thought, right? (See me finding the silver lining?)

I have always had body-image issues. I don't know too many women who don't. How can we NOT in this world? But I have realized (again) recently what a gift our bodies are. I believe that I was given the body that I need to have on this earth. And I am ever so grateful for it. It may not look like what the world deems as beautiful, but it is beautiful to God and it is beautiful to me.

I am in a much better place mentally now than I was a few months ago. So I am trying to give my body permission to rid itself of the excess. I am trying to give myself permission to be happy and optimistic again....to enjoy life and be grateful for all that I have been given. And I am SO grateful. It's been making me weepy lately just thinking about all that I have been blessed with.

 (Lady took this pic on our birthday date with her a few months ago. I love it.)

We went on a double date with Brent's brother and SIL this weekend (Vance and Page). Talking with Page is always rejuvenating for me. She always helps me put things in perspective and always makes me feel good about myself. She is an amazing inspiration and example to me. In talking about our husbands, we just kept remarking about how grateful we are for them. Neither of us realized what awesome men we married when we were first married. I just feel so lucky to be Brent's wife.

The older my kids get, the more I realize what awesome spirits God is saving for last. They are so much better than me! Sometimes it's intimidating being their mother because I feel like I'm the one doing all the learning and growing. They're the teachers! I am in awe of God's design. Families are the best way to learn how to be like Him. Our relationships with our spouse and our children are what will teach us and help us get back to Heavenly Father. Of this I am sure. I am so thankful for the families that I have been blessed with-- the family I grew up in, the family I married into, and the family Brent and I have created. As hard as the testing and stretching times are, I wouldn't give them up. It is through being tried and stretched and uncomfortable that I learn the most. God has shown me many muscles that I didn't know I had. And He has exercised them and made them stronger. It has not been a comfortable process, but it has made me a stronger person. I am grateful that He knows the plan for me and that I can take comfort in knowing He wants what's best for me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a testimony, but it feels good to feel and acknowledge God's hand in my life. My friend, Julie, posted this beautiful Mormon Message about fatherhood. It strikes a chord when I think about what an awesome father Brent is. But I think the same can also be said of mothers and our relationship with our Heavenly Mother. Our experiences here as parents parallel that of our experiences with our Heavenly Parents so often. It does me good to remember that I am not alone, that someone else loves these spirits even more than I do, that *I* am loved with such fierceness, and that we are all working for the same goal....to all live together once more in the hereafter.

Holidays 2012

This is going to be a quick (or maybe not-so-quick) re-cap of the last 3-ish months.

Halloween this year was awesome! It was so much warmer than in years past. We had our traditional trunk-or-treat that is held just one street over from us. Then on Halloween night we stayed inside and watched a new Halloween movie. This has become our tradition over the last few years and I love it. We hand out non-candy items (this year it was temporary tattoos, glow-in-the-dark bugs, and finger lights) and we go through the candy the kids get at the trunk-or-treat and only keep the "good" stuff. My goal for this season was to not eat too much sugar. Why do you think people get so sick in the winter? I believe sugar is a big part of it. So we tried not to indulge too much.

The first week of November, we headed down to Arches for one last camping trip before having to winterize the trailer. Our great friends, Brandon and Cheryl, came with us. Having kids all the same ages as ours means there's always someone to play with. They are totally hard-core when it comes to camping, though. They have 6 kids and do TENT camping. I admit I wouldn't go camping much at all if we had to do tent camping. Yep, I'm a wimp.

We brought bikes, which was great for the kids and not-so-great for me. I ended up crashing on AJ's bike and getting road rash that reminded me of being 8 again.

Arches was beautiful! The weather was perfect! And we discussed making this a yearly tradition as well. :)

Unfortunately I only got one picture of Thanksgiving. We had it at Brent's parents' house and it was lovely. Great food and great company. We found out that our niece, who was just married in August (I think it was August), is expecting their first baby. We're so happy for them!

Here is the only pic of T-Day. This is Lady and June with their beautiful cousin, Emma. These 3 little girls are so stinking cute together. We brought Emma home that night for a sleepover.

We had a great Christmas this year. Brent was able to take off some extra time and the kids and I enjoyed having him around a lot more. It was hard to get back into our regular routine a couple of weeks ago.

Um, going through pictures has made me realize, once again, that I am a terrible picture-taker.

So here's what we have of Christmas:

 Before all the gifts were set out.

Ready for Christmas morning!

All 4 girls got American Girl dolls or the knock-offs (AJ and Tink got real AG dolls, Lady and June got the knock-offs. And actually Buddy got a knock-off as well since he LOVES one of AJ's. We got him one that looks almost just like AJ's, but alas, he can tell the difference.)

Yes, I realize there are no pics of Roo here. He got a few Star Wars Lego sets for Christmas and was already up in his room putting them together, lol. I should've gone up there to get a pic.

We had 2 extended-family Christmas parties. My family's was before Christmas and Brent's family's was after. We got a few pics of my family's because I have SILs who remember to take pics, so I grabbed Brent's phone and got a couple.

And the one and only pic we got at Brent's family's party is showing just how tall AJ is. Here she is with her Aunt Denise and grandma. :) She will be 12 in May.

For New Year's Eve we had some friends over that we met through the kids' Jiu Jitsu class. They have 7 kids, all similar ages to ours. They're a great family that we hope to hang out with more. I love new friends! And yes, again, we did not take any pictures. Ugh. But we followed in Brent's family's tradition of having a Pig-Out. We got a bunch of different ice creams and toppings and fruit and everyone got to pig-out! We celebrated New Year's at 10pm since that's when it's officially midnight in America and our friends went home to get their tired kids in bed and ours went to bed as well. We didn't even stay up to ring in the new year here by ourselves. In fact, I'm pretty sure Brent was asleep before midnight. Guess that means we're getting old. ;)

Never Enough Time

It seems that nearly every night I go to bed wishing there had been just a few more hours that day.  I never seem to be able to get to any of the "extra" things, this blog being one of them.  I guess I'll just have to resign myself to the fact that this is just going to be one of those things that I get around to whenever I can.

What have we been up to?

This summer, we have been camping numerous times.  It's probably my favorite thing to do with just our family.  It's become infinitely easier since we got a trailer.  And I will admit that it's made camping much more comfortable (which I KNOW defeats the point of "roughing it"), but whatever.  Brent and I bring 6 kids along for the ride.  If there's a way to make it easier, I'm all for it.  We've decided that our trailer is our "cabin on wheels."  We used to want to own a cabin, but have since decided we'd much rather travel around to different places instead of having to go to the same place every time we want to get away.

We got back from our most recent camping adventure on Sunday.  We went with our awesome friends that we met back before we had any kids.  They've got 6 kids as well and it's always so fun because our kids get along great.  My friend already blogged about it, so I'll just link to her blog here. :)

Our great adventure for the summer was taking a big, long road trip to Texas for a family reunion.  We went early so we could spend some time with some other great friends of ours, Steve and Kyrsten.  Brent and Steve were mission companions.  They have 3 beautiful kids and we always have an amazing time with them.  We rented a house together and spent a couple of days hanging out and going to Sea World.  It was SOOO FUN!

Then we spent another few days at Brent's sister's lake house.  Our kids had some great cousin-time, we ate yummy food, spent time out on the boat, and listened as Grandma and Grandpa (Brent's parents) gave a short life history.  We also got to visit Brent's brother on the Air Force base.  He is a Captain in the Air Force and is a dentist.  It was so fun to see his cute family!

It took forever to get there and back (22 hours of driving).  So we took the opportunity to do some fun things along the way.  We stayed in Santa Fe, NM one night.  The kids were excited about that because of the song Jack Kelly sings on "Newsies" LOL.  We were able to all squish into 1 hotel room each night, so that kept costs down a bit.  The kids were pretty darn good in the car, although Buddy was his normal "grouchy" self most of the time.  We couldn't help but laugh one day when June, sitting next to him, finally yelled out during one of his scream fests, "Sut up, Buddy!"  We normally don't say those words, but really....it was just what every one of us was thinking. ;)  He finally learned how to sleep well in the van on the last day of our drive.  He has since lost this ability.

It was SOOO HOT in TX.  We were prepared for heat, but it was still pretty bad.  Buddy had a hard time sleeping (as usual) when we were staying in the cabin at the family reunion.  And since there were many other people also trying to sleep, Brent took him out for a walk one night in the early morning hours and I took him out another night.  4am in San Antonio is really no cooler than 4pm.  I had no idea.  I thought the night might possibly bring a little relief from the heat.  I was wrong.

Now for some pics from our epic trip. :)

I will warn you that Brent and I are AWFUL at remembering to take pics.  We took our camera on our last camping adventure and didn't even get it out of the van.  We are so pathetic.  Lucky for me that time, our friends are much better at taking pics.....thus the linking to her blog. ;)  We apparently didn't get our camera out at all during the family reunion, which makes me terribly sad.  Again, lucky for me, Brent's sisters took a number of pics, but unlucky for you, I can't figure out how to upload them here from their picasa accounts.  So you'll just have to live with pics from only half of our great adventure.

 June posing in Mesa Verde.

 5 of the kids in an underground room in Mesa Verde.

 Brent, Lady, and June on a carousel at a park we stopped to play at in Roswell, NM.

 All the kids at our rental house enjoying green smoothies. 

 Me and June at Sea World watching the dolphins.

 I am a huge failure at capturing great images of dolphins leaping out of the water, so here's one of a dolphin mid-flip.

 My girls got along SO WELL with our friends' girls.  They were so cute together!

Lady also really fell in love with our friends' son.  He is a super cute boy and has the BEST raspy voice.  I could listen to him all day!

Vaccines

This is another one of those "different" posts.  I thought it timely to discuss this since we currently have Pertussis (Whopping Cough) in our house.

I will start by giving a bit of background.  I had my first 2 kids vaccinated almost fully.  Tink was vaccinated fully (but delayed) up until the age of 2.  Lady has received 2 vaccines in her life, June has received 1, and Buddy has received none.

Out of all the parenting topics I've researched, I have read the most about birth and vaccines.  I've read at least 3 or 4 books about vaccines, numerous articles and medical journal entries (online), and many, many websites-- pro AND anti vax websites.

I've come away with a good amount of knowledge about the diseases and the vaccines......and absolutely no clear line indicating what path I should take for my children.

I don't believe there is a "right" or "wrong" in regards to vaccines.  There is just "choice."  And I'm glad we have that choice to make for our children, but man, it's a big burden for me.

I'll discuss a few of the vaccines (not all of them) and things that I have learned and reasons why we no longer vax....at least at the moment.


Pertussis (Whooping Cough)

Last week Buddy came down with cough/cold symptoms.  We weren't surprised since our neighbors across the street had the same thing a few days prior and they'd been over at our house playing.  I tend to not worry too much about cold symptoms.  Otherwise the kids would never get to play with any of their friends for 6-8 months of the year.  And my kids have great immune systems and tend to not get sick very often anyway.  June started coughing at night as well during this time and had a couple of nights where she needed some menthol rub on her chest to help her sleep.

A few days later, Buddy's coughing was getting worse....especially at night.  It wasn't the "barking seal" cough of Croup.....we've dealt with that before.  Then Friday night, he started to "whoop" on the intake.  Brent suggested that it might be Whooping Cough, so I listened to kids with Whooping Cough on Youtube and decided that's most likely what he had.  I called the doctor's office in the morning.  Luckily my ped's office has a clinic open on Saturdays at a different location.  We drove up there later that morning.  They took a swab from Buddy's nose and said they'd call us with the results.  They also started him on antibiotics.  They called the next day and said it was positive for Pertussis.  No surprise.
While we were at the office, the nurse was quite nice to us in the beginning.  Then after the doctor asked us if Buddy was vaccinated and I told him no, the nurse's tone changed quite considerably.  But all-in-all, it actually wasn't as hostile as I had prepared myself for.

I called my neighbor to let her know it was Pertussis since she has a 3 month old baby girl and I was really worried about her.  And guess what she told me.  Her kids are vaccinated.  (And they all have Whooping Cough, including the baby.)  This confirmed what I had been reading.  The Pertussis vax is one of the least effective vaccines.  And in most of the outbreaks, the majority of cases are children who have been vaxed.  Back when the shot given was DTP, they used a whole-cell Pertussis vaccine in it.  It was more effective than the current vax, but caused a lot more side effects as well.  So they developed the acellular version....which is why we now have the DTaP shot.  This shot is not nearly as effective, but causes less side effects.

I'd read a lot about Pertussis with my last few babies.  My ped recommended I get the DTaP shot for Lady before her first winter and for June before her first winter.  I conceded and they each got the shot.  But they only got just that one shot.  For the vaccine to be as effective as possible (which isn't very effective anyway), I should have taken them back for more shots throughout the winter.  I chose not to.  During those winters, we heard of no one around us getting Pertussis, although I did read about outbreaks in other states.  When Buddy was born last year right before winter time I was faced with the same dilemma.  This time I chose to not give him any shots.  It was just what felt right.

And I will fully admit that when I realized Buddy had Pertussis, I felt guilt.  I wondered if I could have kept this from happening.  But the truth is that he probably would have gotten it even if he'd been vaxed.

Now, there are stories on both sides of this issue....heart-wrenching stories.  My friend posted one recently on FB that made it seem like every parent who chose not to vaccinate against Pertussis (and chose not to get the booster for themselves) was selfish and putting their child at risk.  If it were this simple, the answer would be obvious.  But it just isn't this simple.  Believe me, I wish it were.  No one should bully another parent into or out of vaccinating their children.

Pertussis is usually mild, if even symptomatic, in adults. But the younger the child/baby with it, the scarier this disease is.  This is why I was concerned about my neighbor.  There are still deaths from this disease.  There always have been, even when they used the more effective DTP shot.  This is why I am very vigilant when I have a new baby.  I didn't go back to church for a while after Buddy was born.  And when I did, I kept him in the wrap and did not pass him around at all.  I didn't let people touch him.  And when we got home from church, before the kids did ANYTHING else, they all washed their hands extremely well.  And we got lucky.  Buddy didn't get it last year, when it would have possibly been much worse for him.

The news and the commercials on tv would have you believe that if everyone was vaccinated, that we wouldn't have the problem with the outbreaks, but this just isn't true.  In reading about vaccines, I found out that there are different types of diseases.....those that can be potentially eradicated and those that will most likely never be.  Pertussis is one of the latter.  Small pox was eradicated because there was just one strain.  They made a vaccine for it, and everybody was quite compliant in getting the vaccine, so they were able to get rid of it completely.  Pertussis has multiple strains.  AND these strains mutate.  So there is really no way to make a vaccine that will confer immunity to every single strain and every single mutation.  This is why Pertussis outbreaks wax and wane.

And now they're finding out that the vaccine also wanes.  They originally believed it to confer life-long immunity, but now they've realized that it's often as little as 4 years, if that, depending on the strain you are exposed to.

Unfortunately for us, having the disease naturally also doesn't confer life-long immunity.  But it confers immunity for a lot longer than the vaccine, although there are still those who get it multiple times.  The assumption is that they're exposed to different strains each time.

So now they want everybody to get a booster shot for Pertussis every few years.  For how long?  Apparently a lifetime.  I just can't wrap my head around that.


Chicken Pox (Varicella)

This one is a really frustrating vaccine for me.  I honestly wish it had never come on the market.  It came out a couple of years before AJ was born and was just coming into popularity when she was little.  So I had her vaxed against it.  Roo and Tink were as well.  I really wish I wouldn't have done that.  As with the Pertussis vax, they are finding that the vaccine wanes and in just a few short years, the children  no longer have immunity.  The problem with this is that the older a person is when they get Chicken Pox, the worse the disease usually is.  It is not a fun disease, by any means, but unlike Pertussis, it is MUCH more dangerous for a teenager or adult to get it than it is a child.  And getting the vaccine at a young age is leaving children vulnerable at an age when the disease will be much more devastating.  So guess what they want you to do.  That's right, get a booster every few years.  Although they still can't even agree on how often one will need a booster.....most are saying every 5 years.  So every 5 years......for a LIFETIME.....my children will possibly need to get another vaccine.  I am not ok with this.

Luckily the Chicken Pox vaccine is similar to the Pertussis vaccine in that those who have been vaxed can still get the disease, they usually just get milder symptoms.  So my hope is that once I feel Buddy is old enough, I can find someone with Chicken Pox and purposefully expose my children.  I'm sure many of you have balked at the idea of a "Chicken Pox Party," but this is what it has come to.  I would MUCH rather my children get the disease naturally and have life-long immunity conferred than have to get a vaccine every 5? years for the rest of their lives.  The problem people like me are encountering now, is that it is VERY hard to find "wild" Chicken Pox.  There are many kids who get the disease FROM the vaccine.  So they go on to expose other kids, but now they're finding that that version isn't so great at conferring life-long immunity either.


Polio (IPV)

This is the one that I hear about most often from my parents' generation.  And rightly so.  They lived through it.  It was a scary disease.  My father-in-law likes to tell me about the "iron lung" he saw some of his friends have to use.  And the debilitations they were left with.  I have no doubt about any of that. It is a horrific disease.  It was interesting to me to find out, though, that only a small percentage of people who got it were affected by it for an extended period of time.  That's not to say that it wasn't scary. It was.  You didn't know whether you would be one that would have horrible complications or whether you'd be one that came away unscathed.

What I also found interesting in my reading was that the disease was declining quite a while before the vaccine came out.  Most people believe that the vaccine is what got rid of Polio.  But there is evidence that this isn't so.  If you look at diseases, they tend to have a life span.  Polio was apparently "dying" before the vaccine "saved" everyone.  There is further evidence of this because when the US came out with a "mandatory" vaccine program for Polio, Great Britain did not.  And if you look at the numbers, Polio in Great Britain died out at the same rate as Polio in the US.  In fact, there were many people at that time that got Polio FROM the vaccine because they used a live vaccine!

My father-in-law thinks that this generation has become complacent because we haven't lived through the fear of this disease.  And that may very well be true.  But there is a lot more to it than that.  Polio is no longer a threat like it was when he was young.  He attributes this to Salk and his vaccine.  I do not agree.  And that's ok.  We are both coming from different perspectives.

Unfortunately Polio has not been completely eradicated worldwide.  It hasn't been reported in the US for a long time.  And the few cases that were (the last one being in 1993) were imported from outside the US.  So there is still a risk of getting it......albeit minuscule.


Hepatits B

I actually don't really have a problem with this vaccine itself.  What I do have a problem with is vaccinating babies against it when there is no risk whatsoever of them getting it.  (Obviously there are some babies born to high-risk mothers, and those babies should get the vaccine.  But this is not the majority of cases.)

HPV (Human Papillomavirus)

This is one that scares me to death.  There have been so many horrible side effects seen with this vaccine.  They usually give it to pre-teens/teens to try to prevent HPV in hopes of preventing cervical cancer.  Honestly, if you are the mother to a pre-teen or teenage daughter and your doctor is telling you she needs this vaccine, PLEASE research it.  Research the HECK out of it.  There have been more deaths from this vaccine than you can imagine.  And there have been many horrendous reactions that have life-long complications involved.  My belief is that this one should have been pulled off the market LONG ago, but for some reason ($$$), it has not been.  If it were a drug causing these same issues, they would've pulled it already, no question.

My thoughts on vaccines in general

Oh goodness, where to start?

You know how before a drug comes on the market it has to be tested for a long time to see what, if any, negative side effects they might find?  And then even when a new drug does make it onto the market, many of them are recalled because of side effects that they were not aware of?  Well, vaccines go through no such testing.  I mean, how fast did the H1N1 vaccine hit the market?  There was no way to do reliable short-term studies, let alone long-term studies of the vaccine.  That one scared the crap out of me.

And some of the other vaccines have gone through what you could call long-term studies.....with the general population being the guinea pigs for the experiment.  This really bothers me.

Many people have asked me if I think vaccines cause Autism.  Even saying those 2 words in the same sentence these days will result in a "Pfft." reaction for most people.  The man who originally made that claim was discounted, right?  Right.  He absolutely was.  That doesn't mean he wasn't headed in a viable direction.

So....do I think vaccines cause Autism?  No.  I do not.  Do I think there is a correlation?  Absolutely.  I have many friends who have kids with Autism.  There are many homeschoolers who choose to keep their children with Autism home instead of sending them to school.  One of these friends and I have had many discussions on the topic.  There are so many factors that there is no way to say THIS-CAUSES-THIS.  Her son was born healthy and happy.  And he developed that way up until 18 months.  They went in for their regular well-child and he got his vaccinations.  His mother said it was almost immediate.  She said on nearly a daily basis she could watch her son drift further and further away.  He is now completely non-verbal and his communication level is almost non-existent.  In talking with her I found out a few things.  Many of the people who claim that vaccines cause no harm point out that Autism has always been around.  And this is true.  But late-onset Autism (meaning they didn't have it from birth) has not.  And it has risen drastically and in correlation with the increase in vaccines over the years.

Side note:  Did you know that if you are from my generation (I was born in 1979), you probably received around 10 vaccines total before you went to Kindergarten.  Children now?  They receive 36.  36!  And 26 of those are given by the time they turn 2.  You can't tell me this hasn't had an impact on our children's health.

So.....what my friend (and I) believe about vaccines and Autism.....
There is usually a genetic link in regards to Autism.  The likelihood of one of your children being diagnosed with it is greater if someone in your family has it.  We believe that some kids are genetically pre-disposed to getting Autism.  They have a switch that can be flipped.  And that vaccines (along with possibly other things) can flip that switch.  Not even necessarily one vaccine, like that one scientist was trying to prove with the MMR vaccine.  But that the build-up of them can lead to the switch being flipped.  For some reason it is much more prevalent in boys than in girls.

Vaccines are full of things that, if someone offered them to you on a spoon, you'd never ingest them.  And yet, we willingly inject them into our bloodstream.  This is another thing that bothers me about vaccines.  When someone contracts a disease, they usually get it through contact with bodily fluid or direct contact with a carrier.  A lot of these diseases enter the body through an orifice (eyes, nose, mouth).  The body then sends the immune system into gear to combat it.  It usually takes a long time for a disease to get to the bloodstream (if it ever does).  And yet we are injecting these vaccines (dead diseases) directly into the bloodstream.  The body's immune system does NOT react in the same way it would if we contracted the disease naturally.  This is why many vaccines do not confer life-long immunity while contracting the disease naturally does.  So I guess you could say the system of delivery bothers me, along with MANY of the ingredients in the vaccines.  There are toxins in all of them.  And I have a hard time being ok with putting that into my child's body on purpose.

One thing that bothers me about vaccines is when they're called "immunizations."  Because this infers that they confer immunity.  Many of them do not.  In fact, none of them actually claim to confer 100% immunity.  But this paragraph is probably just me being picky.  I'm kind of big on semantics.  (This is why I say "children with Autism" instead of "Autistic kids."  Because Autism shouldn't define them.)

Back to worrying about the health of our children and how vaccines affect their health.....
Like Autism, there are probably multiple factors that contribute to childhood illness and also illnesses later in life.  There are many childhood illnesses that I wonder about, though.  More and more children are being diagnosed with cancer, autoimmune diseases, and allergies (which all have correlations to the immune system) than ever before.  I have to wonder if the increase in vaccinations has a lot to do with this.
The next book I want to read on this subject is this one.  Sounds interesting. ;) Here is a write-up about it.


So.....for now we're not vaccinating.  I may change my mind in the future.  In fact, I plan to read up on some again, now that Lady is 5 and see if there are any that I really want her to have.  There are many that she doesn't need now that she's 5.

There are very few parenting decisions that I feel have an absolute right or wrong.  I do believe that there are "good enough," "better," and "best" choices to be made in most situations.  I honestly don't even claim to be making the "best" decision in regards to this.  I'm just doing what feels right right now.  That may change in the future.  A lot of study and a lot of prayer goes into these decisions for me.  I feel like I'm "playing it safe" by not vaccinating.  I have many friends who choose to "play it safe" by vaccinating.  And that's ok.

9 months

I'm back.  Hopefully.  I can't promise daily posts, but I really want to get better again about keeping a journal of our lives.

The last 9 months have been some of the hardest of my life.  And things aren't completely better, but I have a better outlook.  Buddy has been my hardest baby yet.  He is such a ray of sunshine and such a blessing in our lives, though.  Hard, yes.  But totally worth it.  His life has just seemed to go from one hard thing to another.  We've done a number of things to try to "figure him out" and some things have worked a little, some have been utter failures.  It basically boils down to him being sad a lot.  And he is very inconsistent.  I think I might even be able to handle it better if there was consistency to his sadness.  But this baby isn't consistent in anything.  He'll be happy for 2-3 days in a row and we'll get our hopes up and then they will be dashed by him having a few really hard days and nights in a row.  When he's sad, he's needy (like all babies).  And he's a mama's boy, so that means if he's having a hard day, I don't get much done that day.  And if he's had a hard night, I'm often a zombie the next day.  It's been rough.  It's also been hard on the kids.  They have each had moments of freaking out when the stress is just too much for them as well.  When I'm especially on-edge, it also puts them on -edge and there is a tension in our house that is palpable.  It makes me sad.  We just can't seem to figure out why he's sad.  A few times we've known why it was worse than normal, but then those things end or get taken care of and he's still sad (just maybe not AS sad as he was when he was going through something obvious (like teething)).

BUT there have been so many blessings along the way.  Brent and I have been humbled (children seem to be really good at doing that to us) and our patience has increased.  Don't get me wrong, we still lose our patience more often than we'd like, but I think we freak out about the little stuff much less than we used to.  Sometimes I think it's just because we're so exhausted, though, lol.  When you're tired all the time, you choose your battles much more carefully so as not to drain energy that you don't really have.  Another blessing has been watching my other children with Buddy.  Having them has been a true life-saver.  Sometimes when I am just spent and completely wiped out because of a hard night or when Buddy has woken up (again) after only a 20 min nap (after it took an hour to get him to sleep), one of the other kids will just come and take him from me.  Tink is actually really good at getting him to sleep and AJ is practically like a second mom to him.  They're all quite sensitive to his crying and often come and ask if they can help or try to distract Buddy by playing with him.  They have grown leaps and bounds in their ability to be compassionate and loving.  I have witnessed them being kinder to each other and they have all stepped up in the responsibilities that they have taken on.  This baby is SOOOOO loved!  That is one thing that he does NOT lack.......people that love him.  And he is such a joy.  He brings a lot of happiness into our family.  He is my best cuddler, by far.  He'll just nestle right into my chest and it makes my whole body tingle with love.

I'm a naturally protective mother (aren't we all?), but I've been amazed at how extra-protective I am of Buddy.  Maybe because he seems to need me more.  But when people suggest that I should just let him cry or stop catering to his needs, I get defensive.  I don't believe babies are manipulative.  He hasn't "got me figured out" like some people have suggested.  Their way of communicating their needs is often through crying.  Also, at this age, he doesn't have a sense of permanence.  When I'm not with him, he doesn't understand that I'm not completely gone.  So if I leave him crying in his room, he truly feels abandoned.  Why would I let my baby think his mother has abandoned him?  Why would I take away his sense of security?  How does that lead to a healthy relationship?

*I will admit here to having a few times when I just can't take the crying anymore, so I've left him in his crib for a few minutes so that I can breathe, pray, and gather myself.  But it's never been for long and only because my sanity was in question and sometimes it really is safest to just walk away until I can calm my emotions.  Most of the time, though, I just have Brent take over for a while if he's home.

Now I will leave you with some recent pictures.  My kids are growing up so fast it blows my mind.  Summer is our season of birthdays.  We're halfway through them.  So some of the pictures are of birthday parties.  This year is the year of odds.  All my kids turn an odd number.  AJ turned 11 in May, Roo turned 9 in January, Tink turned 7 yesterday, Lady will turn 5 the end of August, June turned 3 in June :), and Buddy will be 1 in September.  I can't believe how fast the time has gone!  I can't believe my baby's almost 1!  I'm trying so hard to hold on to all of these moments, but I get distracted by the daily grind and my to-do list.  This is one of my goals.....to care less about the to-do list and more about the to-play, to-watch, and to-love lists.